I debated with myself to hit post on this or not, but it was very therapeutic typing it out and I don't think anyone reads this anyways. There's still so much to the story, but this is a start of coming to terms with who I am now and how I can grow from the people I've let into my life blindly.
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Friends grow apart. I think we can all agree on that. It's just one of those things that happen. We get older, marriages, kids, careers, they all play a role in how our lives will deviate even more from each other. The main factor that I seem to be a "victim" of is the dreaded move. I have had friends moving away since high school graduation.
I can easily say that I have about, if not less than, 10 friends that I truly believe will always be in my life. That's because these ladies and gentlemen make an effort to contact me to catch up. Vice versa too, of course. Lately, the move factor has been hitting me...HARD! I think I've had one friend move away from Shreveport a year at least for the past 3 years. Other than my husband I have 3 friends from high school that I absolutely adore and keep in contact with. One recently moved to California and one is moving to Houston unbearably soon. As long as both parties are willing to put the effort into the friendship, I think we really will always be friends.
Now on to the person that comes into your life out of nowhere and becomes a fixture in it, but in the end turns horribly wrong. (I'm not even talking about a romantic relationship!) Of course, hindsight is always 20/20, but I kick myself every time I think about how I missed the signs.
Almost a year ago, Joshua and I were "kicked out" of our rent house by someone I considered a great friend. So great that she was my Maid of Honor. I'm sure if you ask her, it's my fault as to why the friendship didn't work out, but everyone has their side to the story and this is mine.
When Joshua and I got engaged in December 2011, I was so excited! I've been dreaming about our wedding since not too long after we started dating. However, I never thought about who would be in the wedding party. So naturally once engaged, I went with the people I was close to at the time. We didn't get married until March 2013, but I didn't feel like that was a long engagement and surely the friends I had then wouldn't change.
By the time the wedding events started, three of the five bridesmaids lived out of town; all to the same area at that. But only two of them were constantly checking on me, seeing if I needed any help, and really involved in the wedding process. I just shrugged it all off that my Maid of Honor wasn't involved because she always seemed excited for me. Every time I posted a picture of something wedding related, she would always say she couldn't wait.
The Dress Debacle: I took my bridesmaids in order to go dress shopping because I wanted that one-on-one time with them and the plan was different dresses with different shades of green. My Matron of Honor knew quickly which dress she liked and I thought it was going to be an easy process from there. Well next came the Maid of Honor. I showed her the dress that the Matron chose and the complimentary ones that she could try on to see which one she liked best. That did not work. She just had to try on the one the Matron chose and "loved" it too. I asked her if she was absolutely sure she liked that dress because if she chose it, everyone will be in that dress. She was sure...but wait, she couldn't afford to buy a dress. I thought it was understood that when you accept someone's invitation to be in their wedding you know the responsibilities that go along with it especially agreeing to be the Maid of Honor. So what did I do...I tapped into the wedding fund and paid for her attire with the new understanding from her that she will pay me back. We waited roughly 5 months and the dresses are in! I had to send her her dress and instead of the same excitement I received from the other bridesmaids I was met with "this dress is ugly" and she didn't fit it. The aggravation I felt was beyond and it was then I should have known, but naive me just dismissed and went along.
**On another note: I've been married over a year now and she still isn't paid in full for the dress. The months leading up to and after the wedding where we were still friendly did not help my animosity towards her. Normally when involving friends, I don't care when they pay me back when I loan them money. They're my friends and I know they're good for it. But when you tell me all the time how you are desperate for money and don't know how you're going to pay your bills, but you're going out every weekend and posting pictures with bottles of alcohol around and you have that guy around that you tell me you've been giving money to as well, that does not go well with me. But since we are no longer friends, I'm not too concerned with it. It's like I paid her to go away, which sounds horrible and I wish things were different, but they're not and I won't sugar coat it.
During the year and 3 months of engagement, many trips to the area where my three out-of-towners lived were made. I'm a planner, so these trips were always planned weeks in advance. Was she able to fit me in her "busy" schedule? Nope, not even a quick drive by. But the texts I received from her during that time talked about her boredom of being there and not knowing anyone and wishing I was there to hang out. Since she's recently gotten reacquainted with a few friends from here that she was close to before we were, it seems like she has plenty of time. One of these friends of hers that I am acquainted with made a spur of the moment trip to her neck of the woods and they hung out all night. I'm wondering if she realized her mistake of being a horrible friend to me and is now trying to make good with others.
Also more recently she's been coming to town more frequently. But the only wedding event she came to outside of her area was the wedding. I try to make excuses that she's in a better place now, but I find that doubtful because of the reason she moved and the person that was causing her stress is still in her life. Have I mentioned that I had to give her money for gas so that she could come into town for the wedding? And at the wedding rehearsal she asked for money to have her dressed hemmed. Yes, that happened too!
I didn't even get to the house fiasco...but all I have left to say is that she can quote all the Bible verses in the world that she wants, but it doesn't erase the past and the fact that she has yet to apologize even after I sent an olive branch her way. I realize her true character and if she doesn't feel responsible for the failure of this friendship, well bygones.
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