Have you ever lived a day where it seemed as though you didn't exist? Thursday was one of those days for me. Sitting at the basketball game, I felt the most alone that I’ve felt in a long time. I peered from the stands to my group of friends that were standing near the entrance. None of them seemed to realize I had left the group to sit.
I was watching the game intensely. Pass. Pass. Shot! Miss. Rebound. Foul! The crowd was so alive. They were cheering, yelling, hollering. I tried to get excited and follow the game as much as I could, but it didn’t work out for me. Out of nowhere tears began to run down my face. I left the gym as quickly as I could, not wanting to show my weakness or vulnerability to any of my friends.
Wiping my tears, I briskly walked into the locker room. I found the most deserted corner and had let the tears fall. I didn’t want to FEEL alone, but I wanted to BE alone. My boyfriend had already been texting me asking how I felt. He was upset that he couldn’t physically be there. Not only was he trying to make me feel better, my big sis was too. She had texted me letting me know how much she wished she was there.
I had them, but where was everyone else? Where were these people that I considered my friends? It was as though I wasn’t really there, like I didn’t matter to any of these people. I would have left because of how alone I felt, but I was stranded. I rode with someone because earlier I didn’t want to be alone.
As I walked from the locker room back to the gym, I was an apparition. Walking through the chaotic crowd of people, no one touched me or saw me. They just walked right through me. I sat back down in the stands where I was before. Nothing had seemed to change. I still felt like crying. I still felt alone. Even worse, we lost the game.
I told the players good game. I cleaned up the gym. Then finally I went home. As I lay in my bed I thought back on the day. The entire day, I was living in a ghost town. I was feeling something that wasn’t really there. All it took was a good night’s rest and a clear head for everything to be better.
Oh, I've felt like that so many times in my life. I hope you're feeling better. You're not invisible.
ReplyDeleteK. Smith
Eng. 226
There's always a day in the week I'd feel the same way. How I felt excluded from the group.. Forgotten.. Abandoned.. Alone.. At first, I blamed it on a race thing, but I came to realise it was my fault. My fault to not try to "reintroduce" myself to the group. Perhaps they noticed you were gone and figured you might come back. People are like that. Enticed by the game itself while making everything else unimportant... Lazy to find that missing person in the group. Usually the one that stands out is the one to be first missed.
ReplyDeleteJust gotta remember that the one that makes the effort will be remembered.