Well Enough Alone

Don't fix what isn't broken. A well known statement that I have always struggled with. Why? Because I always believe that one is never done working on themselves. Perfection is something that I've strived for ever since I was younger knowing that there's no such thing, but I could do my best to get as close as I can. Maybe it's also hard for me because I over think lots of aspects, which makes things seem broken when they're not.

So why do I feel the need for things to be perfect? My constant desire for my parents to be proud of me, of course. They have never once told me they were proud of me. I've come to learn that they boast about my siblings and I to others, but make it seem like its a big secret to us. The example I use most often is the fact that I played lacrosse throughout most of high school and my parents never came to a single game. Heck, I don't remember any of my friends ever really coming either. Bru has "seen me play," but I didn't know him at the time and it was because Rach played for an opposing school.

As he gets older, my Pops has definitely shown that he is proud of me, but has never said it. I've come to terms with this and just accepted that that was as good as it may get. My mother on the other hand, I've stopped trying to "impress" her a few years ago. It just wasn't worth my time and energy anymore. I feel like she never wanted to have kids like Josh's mom, so I try not to hold it against her and instead just disregard her from what I consider achievements in my life. May be cruel, but I'm still working on figuring it all out.

As I sit and think of where my life is right now, I want to say that I want a change. But nothing's wrong with where my life is. I have an amazing career, great husband, handful of loving friends, I am blessed just to wake up everyday and know that I have a roof over my head and food on the table. So when is it that you leave well enough alone? I may never know, but I don't see anything wrong with always trying to better myself as long as I'm doing it for me and not for validation of others.